One of the fundamental aspects of my life’s learnings and teachings, is that life is MEANT to feel good! I used to think that ‘I’d get there one day’, that I had loads of ‘stuff’ to slog through and only when I’d ‘done my work’ would I get to my promised lands of more wellbeing, better relationships and opportunities… Cue the long search to understand my issues, to find self-trust and the elusive answers to my needs…
But now, some 20 years in, I know that considering myself a ‘work in progress’ is a self-fulfilling prophesy and that this will only put off till another day, the much-needed deeper feeling of wellbeing and rightfulness about my life. I bet you too know that awful feeling that comes when we feel as if we are ‘getting it wrong’ in life. I now chose to do my best to love and care for myself whatever feelings are up for me. I get that I am an aspect of awareness exploring life on Earth and my good feelings are a sign that I am hooked up to life’s benevolent currents.
I have this vision of all of us as One, like the ocean, but with many waves, representing the myriad and unique expressions of the One…The yummy feelings are the result of no longer fighting against the currents of life.
So, these days, to feel my oneness, I practice regular selfcare, meaning that I prioritize how I feel now, over all other activities, placing awareness of the vibration that I am feeling, over what I expect of myself. Those feelings we all feel so keenly, ARE the guidance from our Inner Being as to how allied we are with lifes flow or how much we are squeezing it out. The worse we feel, the less life, love, and truth we are letting embody in and through us. If I’m not in a good feeling state, then I start right there with giving myself what I am needing to bring myself back to a sense of equilibrium and faith. The thing is, that if we are in a low vibing state, then we can’t see the full picture….so we aren’t able to access the broader range of answers and inspirations that will be available to us when we come back to a better feeling place.
All too often we get caught up in our story inside, or relating to others, processing their opinions, sharing ours and causing stress in our systems due to what we are thinking. Taking the time to disentangle and notice the fears and concerns that are triggered so we can soothe those feelings, is such an important and life changing choice.
I am also seeing that we all have many different selves that we express through. We think that because we operate under one name, that there’s just one of us! But consider how different you are depending on what you are feeling… I offer the notion that each level of vibration that you are in, has different attitudes,interests, needs, food choices, vocal styles, memories and behaviours… If you have ever groaned with the memory of what another version of you has done, you know just what I mean. The behaviours that feel right to a lower vibrating aspect of you, will be very different to the high-flying you when you are on top of the world! It’s so worth taking the time to move yourself into a better state, than to get into action when fears and concerns are running amok. Otherwise you are setting lots in motion with a part of you that doesn’t see the full picture. Of course, this part of you deserves to be heard and understood, but we find that life works so much better when we learn to stop letting those aspects grab the wheel!
Just remember, if you aren’t feeling good, limit your reach…turn inside and ask yourself what you are needing to be soothed on. It’s an inside job…Life cannot give us something that we have decided we can’t have, don’t deserve, shouldn’t have… We need to be willing to examine our beliefs and realise that they only represent a habitual thought that we keep thinking… If we are up for ceasing our determination to prove our beliefs, we immediately start building a new neural pathway that leads to new results. Your worthiness was assured in the beginnings of your creation, just like every other thing in existence…your sense and knowing of that, lies in the choices that you make daily, to either prove your worth or underline the shakiness.
How about just pressing pause and breathing life’s love for you into yourself, right now and regularly! Just stopping the unconscious momentum into the old assumptions with presence and breath, followed by asking ‘what do I truly need most right now’ (and following through), will swiftly lead you to a better feeling place and a whole new way of life. The best news is, you have many new aspects of yourself to discover up there!
As a coach, I often meet people in great stress as they are facing circumstances that don’t please them, aware of ‘the gap’ between where they are and where they want to be. They reach out because they want help finding faith and some tools to help them get their life feeling back on track. The very nature of our contracted, stressful, angry states mean that faith and trust feel sorely out of reach. We find our wheels spinning and repetitive thoughts dominating our awareness. Faith is the ability to envision and believe in something as yet unseen, which is a big ask when there’s a hairy problem acting out in our lives!
I first offer some soothing, my faith that no-one here is broken, this is just a temporary experience offering the chance to deepen self-love and renew choices. We explore the fears and beliefs being triggered by their situation. We consider that perhaps the way things are, is not absolute proof of all being terribly wrong, but a beautifully crafted set up that highlights dynamics within the psyche that could do with some loving and some rewriting and that we can do.
As we unpack the fears and seeming limitations, we find the parts that need to be heard and considered. When we give voice to these parts, we generally find they are very young aspects that are feeling overwhelmed by circumstances that seems larger than them. When we are contracted by stress, it’s impossible to access the broader aspects of ourselves that can see a way forward. We are in ‘the gap’. When we don’t go within and visit these characters, they will stir up trouble in our lives, attracting to us more situations that highlight the wobble in maturity, until we have to pay attention.
With presence, inner enquiry, EFT, conscious breathing and visualisation, we get shifts in perception that reveal access to completely different choices. If you’ve been reading my previous articles here, you will remember my explanation of the varying vibrational states. Like a department store, each ‘mood frequency’ that we are in, has its own range of goods or possibilities. We simply can’t access hope and all its signature thoughts when we are down in the dumps. We have to climb up, small steps at a time, sometimes larger once we get going. But acknowledging where you are, when you are feeling the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be, is the first step to being able to change ‘departments’!
Rather than continuing with blaming the outside circumstance for the way you are feeling, I invite you to stop all outer action, take a walk to let off some steam first if necessary, then head for some privacy and write to your inner self.
Ask yourself, what part of me is so cross/angry/hurt/scared etc… Then write back to yourself, trusting the reply is coming from a certain aspect of you. You maybe surprised at how little this part of you is and how clearly they can explain their feelings… With some thoughtful communication, you can bring soothing and calm to your inner self and come out of the drama that the inner child is feeling.
This will lead to relief, the sure sign that you are changing ‘department’. If you are now feeling closer to hope or wellbeing, this is a great time to write more about what you are desiring, the changes that you are wanting to see. Exploring your desires and visions like this will actually change your vibration further and you can find yourself getting close to the vibration of faith and surety as you write…a sure sign that you are now in the department that actually holds the possibilities for you living the choices that you’ve clarified.
The gap between where we are and where we want to be is not measured in time and actions but is more truly measured in vibrational state – our moods. These are defined by our beliefs and those can be as impermanent as the weather, if we will only cease defining ourselves by the temporary clouds in our skies and remember that we are the sky, the air, the Universe itself…. By exploring the gap, we can break through the clouds with love and sail into our highest possibilities, breath by breath, choice by choice, the sky is not the limit!
If you would like help exploring these practices, understanding the Law of Attraction and learning to love yourself free from limitation, please contact me on 07734 405 145
I offer a free 30-minute phone/Skype consultation for us to explore what we can do.
Learn more about me here, whilst my personal site is under construction www.sacredheart.space
Are you really ready to change?
At the core of our experiences, what defines us are the choices that we allow ourselves to make. When we feel connected to our dreams and ready to make new choices, then we become more of ourselves… Each moment of everyday, we are faced with infinite opportunities to decide which way our expectations will go. Through our love of safety, we tend to put great store by continuity, reminding ourselves of the story of our lives, how we got where we are, whom we consider ourselves to be, what we want to avoid or achieve and our relation to the others we assess around us… Are we better than them, less something or other than them? We tell ourselves why we are where we are and often make a habit of telling others too, assuming that it’s important that they know too!
Today I invite you to consider the ‘story’ that you woke up to, how quickly you searched for your place in it, perhaps even having to dig around for the memory of where you were up to yesterday! Is it a story of struggle, uphill efforts, laden with the weight of history or responsibility, tethered to fat strands of storyline, not enough money, dissatisfying work, health issues niggling at you…Did you wake up and reach for yesterday’s place in the story?
Well how about entertaining this notion…When we sleep, we drop the density and leave our physical bodies, refocussing in the higher dimensions of our Divinity! Just like the pre-birth state, we are aware of ourselves in infinite oneness and limitless freedom…
When we return to our physical vehicles in the morning, we arrive back in our lives, nourished and cleansed, without the inconvenience of infanthood and teens to go through! It is a daily rebirth and if it wasn’t quite so ordinary and reliable for most of us, we might recognise what a powerful opportunity it is to enjoy the reset!
That time just after awakening is such a potent time to choose what story line you choose to live. If you will reach for enjoyable thoughts, revel in your quiet time, breathe light, colour, grace or peace into your cells before attempting to find your place in your story, then you will set yourself off to such a good start. When times have been tough, reaching for simple and general appreciations will serve you best, like enjoying your breath, the warmth of the bed, the dawn light creeping in… If you feel good enough, then sit up and write in a journal of the aims of your day…I welcome…. I call in more…. I am ready for….
Then make the choice for more ease and pleasure as you step forwards into your day, shower yourself with gorgeous smells, be kind to your body as you dress, IGNORE parts of it that you have habitually judged, give yourself a break! With love, all body issues will return to balance. You can play yourself lovely music, listen to an inspirational talk…observing what your choices are feeling like in your system. Do your best to stay away from the News (The olds!) and don’t let yourself indulge in petty thoughts and conversations. Choice after choice will define the vibrational pathway that you will walk today. Each one having a signature pulse that we feel in our systems and inure ourselves to if we are not conscious of the choice and have long got in the habit of coping with.
It’s all too easy to keep our vibrations repeating and therefore our stories and experiences too and yet it is relatively easy too, to change where we are headed if we simply make a choice sooner rather than later. No-one but us chooses for us. It is ourselves that add the meaning to the insults and stressors that we attract. If we will choose that ‘time out’ that can reset us, then we can recalibrate to a more expansive vision and experience an entirely different timeline… It truly is all up to us.
Simply put, if it feels good, then your attitude, thoughts and choices will lead you into more good, if the thought feels contracted, then you need to come back to wellbeing before striding out again. No good can come from magnifying a negative state, only by bringing loving attention to ourselves can we course correct towards our pleasure and wellbeing…
Contact me for a programme of transformational healing if you’d like to have some support and personalised tools. I offer a free 1/2-hour consultation Skype/phone sessions if you have interest in working with me. I’m also starting several new coaching courses this year, both online and in person in Glastonbury… see details @www.SacredHeart.Space
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Pleasure is Soul Work!
It’s a lovely word isn’t it…pleasure…just say it to yourself and notice how your mouth almost forms a smile as you speak it… ‘It’s my pleasure’…if you are really paying attention you might notice that your whole body responds to this word! I found just now the feeling spread into my heart region as I said it. What is pleasure? Is it just it be seen as a little snack to be found here and there, to be grasped like it might not come back again? Or do you relate to pleasure as your birth right, a natural arising to be relished each and every day?
Personally I choose the latter! In fact, if I’m not feeling pleasure of some kind or another, I look for ways to respond to myself as soon as possible! You see, pleasure is the sign of the body and mind relaxed and appreciative, it means that our senses are alert to the myriad ways that life is bringing us blessings. As we feel pleasure we send out multiple signals into our world that we are well, we are receptive, we are deserving, we are fulfilled..
Of course sometimes pleasure has really not been a daily feature of someone’s life, a traumatic childhood, a loveless marriage, a time of feeling lost at sea.. we all know the challenges and scenarios of the human race. I understand very well how empty life can feel at times. But what I’d love to inspire in you is the inclination to explore pleasure as a wonderful path back to self-love and to receiving more of what you would like to be living.
We have all these marvellous senses, touch, taste, smell, sight and hearing…have you ever considered what you are actually enacting when you experience life through your senses? Our sense organs are masterful translators of vibration! They receive information about the world that we live in and allow it to play through our system, like a symphony.
Well we can head into our days with our senses alert to what ‘insults’ our system, or we can set ourselves off with the intention to receive all the best that life has to offer; like glorious sunsets, a cat purring , garlic roasting, sunshine glinting off ice, the delicate unfolding of the flowers on the window, the velvet of your baby’s head, creamy ice cream slipping down your throat…mmm pleasure… what a fabulous way to come back to your alignment.
Pleasure is the response of the body to deliciousness, it relaxes, it nourishes, it reminds us that life is meant to feel good, which it is! When something is good for us, our body system knows it, just as it does when something or someone or some THOUGHT isn’t. When we contract, feeling less than at ease, stiffen and toughen, then we are putting our attention on something that is not serving us. Maybe it’s the way that we are thinking about something that is at issue, telling a story of our victimhood, our expectation of trouble or we are looking harshly at another’s behaviour and forgetting their fundamental innocence, striving and deservability of love, honour and respect.
When we judge another, we deny ourselves pleasure right there. The whole system shows us, through the furrowed brow, the tight chest, the shallow breathing…such responses immediately show us that we are choosing in a direction that is not life serving or blossoming. The way forward is to back away from the scenario like a car crash! Gently disentangle yourself from the story, soothe your stressed out system with something that brings ease… lie in the sun on your sofa and breathe it in…take strides in the wind and feel zest in your physicality, whack on some tunes and shake loose your angry story…bathe yourself warm and decompress from the tension…
From there your system will naturally rise back to loftier perspectives – if you will allow it…unless of course you are fond of creating drama and judging yourself and others lacking…then you can dip in again for another round of pleasure less contraction and disempowering storylines…
It’s our choice every day, what symphony to attune to, what feedback to rely on for our navigation. What I know for sure is that pleasure is a wonderful tool that lets us know when we are onto something good and it has led me on a merry path of discovery. Why not try choosing some more today!
Contact me for a programme of transformational healing if you feel you are struggling to move through pain to power. I offer a free 1/2 hour consultation Skype/phone sessions if you have interest in working with me. I’m also starting several new coaching courses this year, both online and in person, see details @www.SacredHeart.Space
On Facebook https://www.facebook.com/LasareMaloney/?ref=hl
As a Womens’ Well-Being Coach and mother to 2 young boys, I find practicing good self-care to be foundational to my own happiness and that of the others that I love and support. After years of trying to do it all and crashing and burning all too many times, I now see self-nurturing as my primary responsibility in every day. Our moods affect everyone and everything we see and do. Like a radio transmitter, we emit what we are feeling and magnetically attract to us circumstances and reactions from others that play right into our moods. Start the day off kilter and watch how things will catch you off guard time and again. You will miss the train, not get a seat, realise you’ve forgotten to call someone back, feel ignored at work or at the shops. It barrels on into event after event – reminding me of that knowing phrase ‘getting out of bed on the wrong side’.
It’s up to us to set and reset our energy, expectations and availability for the day ahead. Then we are well ‘planted’ in our intent, poised and centred in our readiness to engage with the day and live our best. Of course if you have young children, you may well have your day started for you, in which case grace under pressure is the best thing you can aim for! Being realistic about the time you have available to you and learning what little positives steps you can slip in, is vital to the success of your aim. Taking those steps kindly and consistently is the key to transforming your life from one of reactivity to one of creativity!
Firstly and obviously, a good nights’ sleep sets the scene for a decent day. I know there are those who don’t really have a choice over whether you sleep or not, based on little peoples’ sleeping habits. To those I say, spread your expectations for rest out over your entire 24 hours. Adjust your resting to mimic your child’s’. Even if you cannot sleep whenever they sleep, you can be sure to build in something restful or kind to you in that time. As a mum whose kids slept like strobe lights (on and off all night long!) sometimes in life you just have to accept the task in hand, know it’s going to strengthen you, and be clever and kind to you. Milk every moment of bliss you can steal; revel in the stillness of the sleeping child, play great music whenever you can, indulge in good aromatherapy in your showers, keep a book of inspiring thoughts beside the loo and do enjoy a regular night or day out for you and your love. Putting your own needs for nurturing high on the list will mean your child has a warm mum to snuggle up to, rather than the frazzled version you will become if you think you don’t rank as high as your loved ones.
Of course self-nurturing is just as important to those without children. The feminine spirit is highly responsive to the feelings and needs of those around us, whether we know them or not. Remember being in a situation where someone is acting out, maybe it’s caused you to tense, breathe more shallowly, search hard for solutions, or numb out and distance yourself. These reactions are all because the incoming information is overwhelming your own sense of self and inner equilibrium. Wouldn’t you like to remain calm and at choice in your response? Then making a habit of knowing your centre is the beginning of knowing how to get back to it under duress.
Start your day celebrating you. Make sure your home environment pleases you, even if it’s just one area that you can really call your own. Indulge your senses with your morning routine. Be aware that what you focus on determines your mood, so is listening to the news every morning or a morning TV show really going to help your day start right? Knowing your music collection and using it like a healing tool is fantastically effective. Feeling cross? Whack on Alanis Morissette and let it move, breathing deeply – if you are on your own or in the car, I highly recommend letting some noise out! Making sounds, does the Soul a power of good. All that polite suppression of our natural noises bends us so far out of shape. If you’ve never done it, please try it, we were not designed to be quiet and demure in the face of stress! But choosing how and when you let off the steam is highly recommended – you don’t want to scare the heck out of anyone! If you need some soothing- let Enya’s sweet soul or other healing music bring you back to your heart… or dance your way into work with dynamic beats to lift you into the zone that makes you rock!
Spend a little time each day checking in with your breathing too. When we are stressed or anxious, we breathe shallowly, trying to minimise our feeling response to the event. But all this does is stuff the tension deeper for resolution another day, a day we usually try to avoid at all costs!
We women are highly attuned feelers, emotions are our feedback system, like nerve endings letting us know that we need to move our hand away from a hot stove. Our emotions show us how we feel about something we are seeing or thinking. It is our perceptions that determine our emotions far more than the other’s actions. Listen to your reactions. Buy yourself some time when life’s getting hot. Step back from the situation and give yourself a timeout. Take some deep breaths, count in for 4, hold your breath for 7 and breathe out for 8. Do this a few times and you will feel yourself return to more calm, allowing you to come from your front lobe wisdom rather than your fight or flight reaction. Breath is the fastest way to change our stressful reactions and be at will rather than at the mercy of stress. Then we can see a broader take on the situation and potentially see with our hearts instead of our fears.
Another great technique is to take regular pauses in your day to envision how you would like the next segment of the day to go. Imagine the people that you are going to meet with, see yourself smiling, offer an intent that things work for the highest good of all involved. Know that your intentions and expectations set the flow of your own energies and you will also discover that you have a surprising amount of influence over how others will behave towards you too. If you’ve ever worked with someone that you know does not like you, you will have also noticed how differently you end up behaving around them. Conversely, when you hang out with those you know appreciate you, you will see yourself giving and being your best. We are all multi-faceted and we affect each other so deeply on an unconscious level. Go in to any situation expecting to find something that you like in those you meet and you will find it. Go with an attitude and watch events prove that story too.
Finally here’s another principle to look out for in your life… The deep feminine in all of us is receptive; the yin receives, whilst the yang gives/does. If we do not define what we wish to receive and determine the quality and depth we believe we deserve to receive, then our subconscious beliefs will manifest for us the proof of our expectations. Taking full responsibility for what you are attracting and adjusting your self-care, so that you fill yourself with good feelings daily, will mean that you are not hungry and needy for any attention. You will become discerning and clear about who and what enters your life, your work, your home, your body. We only have 24 hours a day, would you not want to be a conscious creator of your day, rather than an unconscious receiver of whatever is flowing your way?
Taking care of yourself has a far-reaching impact for you and for those you interact with. Attune yourself towards the best in you and expect to meet the best in others. Take your conscious time-outs and tune in…what is the next best step you can take?