Handling Stressful Times
As a coach, I often meet people in great stress as they are facing circumstances that don’t please them, aware of ‘the gap’ between where they are and where they want to be. They reach out because they want help finding faith and some tools to help them get their life feeling back on track. The very nature of our contracted, stressful, angry states mean that faith and trust feel sorely out of reach. We find our wheels spinning and repetitive thoughts dominating our awareness. Faith is the ability to envision and believe in something as yet unseen, which is a big ask when there’s a hairy problem acting out in our lives!
I first offer some soothing, my faith that no-one here is broken, this is just a temporary experience offering the chance to deepen self-love and renew choices. We explore the fears and beliefs being triggered by their situation. We consider that perhaps the way things are, is not absolute proof of all being terribly wrong, but a beautifully crafted set up that highlights dynamics within the psyche that could do with some loving and some rewriting and that we can do.
As we unpack the fears and seeming limitations, we find the parts that need to be heard and considered. When we give voice to these parts, we generally find they are very young aspects that are feeling overwhelmed by circumstances that seems larger than them. When we are contracted by stress, it’s impossible to access the broader aspects of ourselves that can see a way forward. We are in ‘the gap’. When we don’t go within and visit these characters, they will stir up trouble in our lives, attracting to us more situations that highlight the wobble in maturity, until we have to pay attention.
With presence, inner enquiry, EFT, conscious breathing and visualisation, we get shifts in perception that reveal access to completely different choices. If you’ve been reading my previous articles here, you will remember my explanation of the varying vibrational states. Like a department store, each ‘mood frequency’ that we are in, has its own range of goods or possibilities. We simply can’t access hope and all its signature thoughts when we are down in the dumps. We have to climb up, small steps at a time, sometimes larger once we get going. But acknowledging where you are, when you are feeling the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be, is the first step to being able to change ‘departments’!
Rather than continuing with blaming the outside circumstance for the way you are feeling, I invite you to stop all outer action, take a walk to let off some steam first if necessary, then head for some privacy and write to your inner self.
Ask yourself, what part of me is so cross/angry/hurt/scared etc… Then write back to yourself, trusting the reply is coming from a certain aspect of you. You maybe surprised at how little this part of you is and how clearly they can explain their feelings… With some thoughtful communication, you can bring soothing and calm to your inner self and come out of the drama that the inner child is feeling.
This will lead to relief, the sure sign that you are changing ‘department’. If you are now feeling closer to hope or wellbeing, this is a great time to write more about what you are desiring, the changes that you are wanting to see. Exploring your desires and visions like this will actually change your vibration further and you can find yourself getting close to the vibration of faith and surety as you write…a sure sign that you are now in the department that actually holds the possibilities for you living the choices that you’ve clarified.
The gap between where we are and where we want to be is not measured in time and actions but is more truly measured in vibrational state – our moods. These are defined by our beliefs and those can be as impermanent as the weather, if we will only cease defining ourselves by the temporary clouds in our skies and remember that we are the sky, the air, the Universe itself…. By exploring the gap, we can break through the clouds with love and sail into our highest possibilities, breath by breath, choice by choice, the sky is not the limit!
If you would like help exploring these practices, understanding the Law of Attraction and learning to love yourself free from limitation, please contact me on 07734 405 145
I offer a free 30-minute phone/Skype consultation for us to explore what we can do.
Learn more about me here, whilst my personal site is under construction www.sacredheart.space
Are you really ready to change?
At the core of our experiences, what defines us are the choices that we allow ourselves to make. When we feel connected to our dreams and ready to make new choices, then we become more of ourselves… Each moment of everyday, we are faced with infinite opportunities to decide which way our expectations will go. Through our love of safety, we tend to put great store by continuity, reminding ourselves of the story of our lives, how we got where we are, whom we consider ourselves to be, what we want to avoid or achieve and our relation to the others we assess around us… Are we better than them, less something or other than them? We tell ourselves why we are where we are and often make a habit of telling others too, assuming that it’s important that they know too!
Today I invite you to consider the ‘story’ that you woke up to, how quickly you searched for your place in it, perhaps even having to dig around for the memory of where you were up to yesterday! Is it a story of struggle, uphill efforts, laden with the weight of history or responsibility, tethered to fat strands of storyline, not enough money, dissatisfying work, health issues niggling at you…Did you wake up and reach for yesterday’s place in the story?
Well how about entertaining this notion…When we sleep, we drop the density and leave our physical bodies, refocussing in the higher dimensions of our Divinity! Just like the pre-birth state, we are aware of ourselves in infinite oneness and limitless freedom…
When we return to our physical vehicles in the morning, we arrive back in our lives, nourished and cleansed, without the inconvenience of infanthood and teens to go through! It is a daily rebirth and if it wasn’t quite so ordinary and reliable for most of us, we might recognise what a powerful opportunity it is to enjoy the reset!
That time just after awakening is such a potent time to choose what story line you choose to live. If you will reach for enjoyable thoughts, revel in your quiet time, breathe light, colour, grace or peace into your cells before attempting to find your place in your story, then you will set yourself off to such a good start. When times have been tough, reaching for simple and general appreciations will serve you best, like enjoying your breath, the warmth of the bed, the dawn light creeping in… If you feel good enough, then sit up and write in a journal of the aims of your day…I welcome…. I call in more…. I am ready for….
Then make the choice for more ease and pleasure as you step forwards into your day, shower yourself with gorgeous smells, be kind to your body as you dress, IGNORE parts of it that you have habitually judged, give yourself a break! With love, all body issues will return to balance. You can play yourself lovely music, listen to an inspirational talk…observing what your choices are feeling like in your system. Do your best to stay away from the News (The olds!) and don’t let yourself indulge in petty thoughts and conversations. Choice after choice will define the vibrational pathway that you will walk today. Each one having a signature pulse that we feel in our systems and inure ourselves to if we are not conscious of the choice and have long got in the habit of coping with.
It’s all too easy to keep our vibrations repeating and therefore our stories and experiences too and yet it is relatively easy too, to change where we are headed if we simply make a choice sooner rather than later. No-one but us chooses for us. It is ourselves that add the meaning to the insults and stressors that we attract. If we will choose that ‘time out’ that can reset us, then we can recalibrate to a more expansive vision and experience an entirely different timeline… It truly is all up to us.
Simply put, if it feels good, then your attitude, thoughts and choices will lead you into more good, if the thought feels contracted, then you need to come back to wellbeing before striding out again. No good can come from magnifying a negative state, only by bringing loving attention to ourselves can we course correct towards our pleasure and wellbeing…
Contact me for a programme of transformational healing if you’d like to have some support and personalised tools. I offer a free 1/2-hour consultation Skype/phone sessions if you have interest in working with me. I’m also starting several new coaching courses this year, both online and in person in Glastonbury… see details @www.SacredHeart.Space
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Pleasure is Soul Work!
It’s a lovely word isn’t it…pleasure…just say it to yourself and notice how your mouth almost forms a smile as you speak it… ‘It’s my pleasure’…if you are really paying attention you might notice that your whole body responds to this word! I found just now the feeling spread into my heart region as I said it. What is pleasure? Is it just it be seen as a little snack to be found here and there, to be grasped like it might not come back again? Or do you relate to pleasure as your birth right, a natural arising to be relished each and every day?
Personally I choose the latter! In fact, if I’m not feeling pleasure of some kind or another, I look for ways to respond to myself as soon as possible! You see, pleasure is the sign of the body and mind relaxed and appreciative, it means that our senses are alert to the myriad ways that life is bringing us blessings. As we feel pleasure we send out multiple signals into our world that we are well, we are receptive, we are deserving, we are fulfilled..
Of course sometimes pleasure has really not been a daily feature of someone’s life, a traumatic childhood, a loveless marriage, a time of feeling lost at sea.. we all know the challenges and scenarios of the human race. I understand very well how empty life can feel at times. But what I’d love to inspire in you is the inclination to explore pleasure as a wonderful path back to self-love and to receiving more of what you would like to be living.
We have all these marvellous senses, touch, taste, smell, sight and hearing…have you ever considered what you are actually enacting when you experience life through your senses? Our sense organs are masterful translators of vibration! They receive information about the world that we live in and allow it to play through our system, like a symphony.
Well we can head into our days with our senses alert to what ‘insults’ our system, or we can set ourselves off with the intention to receive all the best that life has to offer; like glorious sunsets, a cat purring , garlic roasting, sunshine glinting off ice, the delicate unfolding of the flowers on the window, the velvet of your baby’s head, creamy ice cream slipping down your throat…mmm pleasure… what a fabulous way to come back to your alignment.
Pleasure is the response of the body to deliciousness, it relaxes, it nourishes, it reminds us that life is meant to feel good, which it is! When something is good for us, our body system knows it, just as it does when something or someone or some THOUGHT isn’t. When we contract, feeling less than at ease, stiffen and toughen, then we are putting our attention on something that is not serving us. Maybe it’s the way that we are thinking about something that is at issue, telling a story of our victimhood, our expectation of trouble or we are looking harshly at another’s behaviour and forgetting their fundamental innocence, striving and deservability of love, honour and respect.
When we judge another, we deny ourselves pleasure right there. The whole system shows us, through the furrowed brow, the tight chest, the shallow breathing…such responses immediately show us that we are choosing in a direction that is not life serving or blossoming. The way forward is to back away from the scenario like a car crash! Gently disentangle yourself from the story, soothe your stressed out system with something that brings ease… lie in the sun on your sofa and breathe it in…take strides in the wind and feel zest in your physicality, whack on some tunes and shake loose your angry story…bathe yourself warm and decompress from the tension…
From there your system will naturally rise back to loftier perspectives – if you will allow it…unless of course you are fond of creating drama and judging yourself and others lacking…then you can dip in again for another round of pleasure less contraction and disempowering storylines…
It’s our choice every day, what symphony to attune to, what feedback to rely on for our navigation. What I know for sure is that pleasure is a wonderful tool that lets us know when we are onto something good and it has led me on a merry path of discovery. Why not try choosing some more today!
Contact me for a programme of transformational healing if you feel you are struggling to move through pain to power. I offer a free 1/2 hour consultation Skype/phone sessions if you have interest in working with me. I’m also starting several new coaching courses this year, both online and in person, see details @www.SacredHeart.Space
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Why do you need to nurture yourself and how do you do it and when!?
Before answering those questions I will start with a bit about myself and how I found the answers for me!
Once upon a time, as a child and then a young woman, I used to feel very fragile, regularly buffeted by the prevailing forces. I traveled from situation to situation, from school to home, traversing my world, confused by my relationship dramas, all too aware of the wobbliness of my feelings within.. Sometimes I felt on top of the world, I felt bright and good inside, but then my light would dim and I’d wonder why I felt somehow broken, how to make my path in life and to develop the faith in myself I needed.
In the living with those questions and through daring to become the heroine of my own tale, I’ve launched myself into the void more times than I could tell, seeking freedom from constriction and to develop the power I needed to create the life of my dreams. Over the years I’ve grown that core of strength and self-knowledge, that guides me like my own North Star .I’ve traveled away from my family and comfort zones. I’ve learned what ‘the shadow’ really means for me, I’ve tried and tested so many healing modalities and trained in quite a few of them too. I’ve practiced at home, on my front lines, seeing daily how I can bring about change where it’s most needed, I’ve prayed and danced and learnt conscious breathing under great duress. In time I cleaned up my own inner world a lot. I took responsibility for my feelings instead of blaming my nearest and often not so dearest! I took full responsibility for my self nurturing, rather than waiting to be given permission to look after myself. I realised that only I could know how I was feeling and take the steps necessary to keep me feeling good. Through being attuned and caring of my reactions to my world, I brought balance and self love to my hungry, sensitive system. The landscape changed, so dramatically that I want to share the good news! It is so worth honouring your dreams and innocence, but it requires tenacity, honesty, soulfulness and courage. I reach my hand out to the women I see all around me in the hope of sharing the tools and knowledge I’ve found and the ease that we all deserve to have.
Let us consider where many of us find ourselves these days….Today more than ever, women are asking enormous amounts of themselves and their families with them. We wish to be dynamic in the world in our career choices, to be successful lovers, wives and mothers and to look and feel good no matter how busy or stretched we are. We hope to be glossy, confident creatures doing our work well, managing our personal lives beautifully and balancing it all with style. This is a high ask of ourselves, and is leading to huge discomfort, not only in our own lives but for those who live and love with us. Balancing it all has become a crazy juggling act for millions and visits to the doctors for depression, obesity, chronic fatigue syndrome and other stress related diseases are up to unprecedented levels.
Knowing and honouring ourselves is not taught or modeled to many young girls. We are often brought up by busy, working parents, taught at schools in which the focus is mostly on the development of the intellect and ushered into our working choices before we have learnt to hear and emphasise the voice of our own inner knowing. The media upholds the myth of feminine power through outer beauty to ludicrous levels. Generations of girls are now emulating the posturing of pop stars and minor celebrities, who often express angry feminine power and vast swathes of perfected flesh as the tool they wield. Anorexia and binge drinking are becoming the norm amongst many young women in the Western world.
There is something very wrong with this picture, yet I can see an evolutionary force at work in us all. Pull back from seeing the view up close and you will see a wave of awakening that is sweeping change throughout the world and we women have been at the forefront of it, demanding glass ceilings imposed from within or without be removed so we may rise into our fullest selves. We are a force for good that holds the keys for human joy and relationship bliss and the speed at which we live that is only up to us. The Dalai Lama is quoted as saying ‘the world will be saved by the western woman’. I agree and I believe that is because we are not only under the kind of pressure that creates diamonds out of coal, but also that we have access to books, support and therapies that educate us how to manage this pressure and to become powerful compassionate souls that make a difference.
However I’d like to add, that as we become out of necessity that powerful creature, we will find ourselves partnered by the kind of men who have also met and embraced their shadow, developed their feminine skills and who now offer their strengths to the co-creation of a beautiful society.
Never underestimate the power of your self-nurturing, it is not only a necessity for your own health and wellbeing, your relationships and pleasure in life, but also you become a magnetic presence out in the world. You awaken others by the sound of your voice, the warmth in your eyes, your ability to respond to life circumstances from your authentic self. You bring a quality into life that will inspire others, bless them and soothe them. Your inner work is one of the keys to our society changing into what we all desire at heart, your influence is immeasurably huge and much needed.
I found this question forming in me when I was quite a small child and indirectly it has been at the core of my life’s searching ever since. I heard the priest at our church speak a lot about faith, but with no explanation. He spoke of it as if it was a necessity to have and I wondered how I would know if I had some!
Did the lady next to me have some faith. If so, where did she get it from and was there something wrong with me if I didn’t have this magical sounding quality?
I gave up the searching in churches soon after, as they didn’t seemed to offer guidance, inspiration and instruction that nourished me. But my search for answers pushed on… I knew I had something bright and effective inside of me, though it was an on/off affair, yet despite years of efforts to explore spirituality and my psyche, I still didn’t understand faith. Was it just the ability to pretend that everything was ok and that I expected only the best? Was it imagining that a higher power that I couldn’t see, hear or touch was going to make everything better? This didn’t seem reliable or practical to me, and surely the way that the priest had earnestly advised us to use our faith, had implied that it was an infinitely useful quality to have.
It wasn’t until I discovered the channelled teachings of Abraham Hicks that I found the specific and technical answers to the longing I had. Here Faith was described as the ability to feel something and know it, before it is physically apparent or manifest, using our ability to envision something till it makes us feel better. They teach that a good feeling is a God feeling, meaning that when we feel good, we are aligned with Source energy, allowing it to flow through us. When we are feeling bad, it is the degree to which we have cut ourselves off from Source that denotes how awful we feel. This is our guidance system, inherent since birth, designed to lead us towards what we do truly align with and away from what is contradicting to the Source expressing through us.
When we feel good, we are up to speed with how our Godself sees that situation or person or indeed ourselves. But when we feel bad we are focusing, speaking and expecting something far from the higher perspective.
I was ruminating on all this after the recent elections, when many people I know, including me, were feeling the gap between the world we’d like to live in and the perceived world that we do. I was reminded of the ‘need to keep the faith’. The fact is, we know that something has touched our lives and caused us to feel the desire to live a wholesome and kind life, yet despite our great efforts, we do not yet see all around us the out-picturing of well being that we would all so love to be part of.
Firstly I am reminded by my inner guidance that I too still have attitudes in me that could be called ‘conservative’, the parts of me that want to be sure I’m safe, to trust that everything I have and love will always be part of my life…’conserving’ being the theme, fear being the motivation. So I embrace those parts of me with all the kindness I can, forgiving myself for my trepidation and letting go of judgement on others who act this out too.
Then I come back to a more centred place, I let go of the fear, I then remember that so much of my life reflects a way of life that is in harmony. I know instinctively that the influence we all have is rippling out and our personal acts of healing and clearing are changing far more than we might fully see right now. Our minds are so powerful, let’s remember to hold the vision no matter what our eyes see and soon enough it will reveal. Just as a chair, a house, a business must be created in mind first, …so too will our society eventually respond to the pictures we hold. EFT meridian therapy can be a powerful tool for clearing the anger and fears that surface along the way, if you would like some support in feeling more faith, contact me for bespoke sessions that can open up new vistas and dreams….