Handling Stressful Times
As a coach, I often meet people in great stress as they are facing circumstances that don’t please them, aware of ‘the gap’ between where they are and where they want to be. They reach out because they want help finding faith and some tools to help them get their life feeling back on track. The very nature of our contracted, stressful, angry states mean that faith and trust feel sorely out of reach. We find our wheels spinning and repetitive thoughts dominating our awareness. Faith is the ability to envision and believe in something as yet unseen, which is a big ask when there’s a hairy problem acting out in our lives!
I first offer some soothing, my faith that no-one here is broken, this is just a temporary experience offering the chance to deepen self-love and renew choices. We explore the fears and beliefs being triggered by their situation. We consider that perhaps the way things are, is not absolute proof of all being terribly wrong, but a beautifully crafted set up that highlights dynamics within the psyche that could do with some loving and some rewriting and that we can do.
As we unpack the fears and seeming limitations, we find the parts that need to be heard and considered. When we give voice to these parts, we generally find they are very young aspects that are feeling overwhelmed by circumstances that seems larger than them. When we are contracted by stress, it’s impossible to access the broader aspects of ourselves that can see a way forward. We are in ‘the gap’. When we don’t go within and visit these characters, they will stir up trouble in our lives, attracting to us more situations that highlight the wobble in maturity, until we have to pay attention.
With presence, inner enquiry, EFT, conscious breathing and visualisation, we get shifts in perception that reveal access to completely different choices. If you’ve been reading my previous articles here, you will remember my explanation of the varying vibrational states. Like a department store, each ‘mood frequency’ that we are in, has its own range of goods or possibilities. We simply can’t access hope and all its signature thoughts when we are down in the dumps. We have to climb up, small steps at a time, sometimes larger once we get going. But acknowledging where you are, when you are feeling the gap between where you are and where you’d like to be, is the first step to being able to change ‘departments’!
Rather than continuing with blaming the outside circumstance for the way you are feeling, I invite you to stop all outer action, take a walk to let off some steam first if necessary, then head for some privacy and write to your inner self.
Ask yourself, what part of me is so cross/angry/hurt/scared etc… Then write back to yourself, trusting the reply is coming from a certain aspect of you. You maybe surprised at how little this part of you is and how clearly they can explain their feelings… With some thoughtful communication, you can bring soothing and calm to your inner self and come out of the drama that the inner child is feeling.
This will lead to relief, the sure sign that you are changing ‘department’. If you are now feeling closer to hope or wellbeing, this is a great time to write more about what you are desiring, the changes that you are wanting to see. Exploring your desires and visions like this will actually change your vibration further and you can find yourself getting close to the vibration of faith and surety as you write…a sure sign that you are now in the department that actually holds the possibilities for you living the choices that you’ve clarified.
The gap between where we are and where we want to be is not measured in time and actions but is more truly measured in vibrational state – our moods. These are defined by our beliefs and those can be as impermanent as the weather, if we will only cease defining ourselves by the temporary clouds in our skies and remember that we are the sky, the air, the Universe itself…. By exploring the gap, we can break through the clouds with love and sail into our highest possibilities, breath by breath, choice by choice, the sky is not the limit!
If you would like help exploring these practices, understanding the Law of Attraction and learning to love yourself free from limitation, please contact me on 07734 405 145
I offer a free 30-minute phone/Skype consultation for us to explore what we can do.
Learn more about me here, whilst my personal site is under construction www.sacredheart.space
Are you really ready to change?
At the core of our experiences, what defines us are the choices that we allow ourselves to make. When we feel connected to our dreams and ready to make new choices, then we become more of ourselves… Each moment of everyday, we are faced with infinite opportunities to decide which way our expectations will go. Through our love of safety, we tend to put great store by continuity, reminding ourselves of the story of our lives, how we got where we are, whom we consider ourselves to be, what we want to avoid or achieve and our relation to the others we assess around us… Are we better than them, less something or other than them? We tell ourselves why we are where we are and often make a habit of telling others too, assuming that it’s important that they know too!
Today I invite you to consider the ‘story’ that you woke up to, how quickly you searched for your place in it, perhaps even having to dig around for the memory of where you were up to yesterday! Is it a story of struggle, uphill efforts, laden with the weight of history or responsibility, tethered to fat strands of storyline, not enough money, dissatisfying work, health issues niggling at you…Did you wake up and reach for yesterday’s place in the story?
Well how about entertaining this notion…When we sleep, we drop the density and leave our physical bodies, refocussing in the higher dimensions of our Divinity! Just like the pre-birth state, we are aware of ourselves in infinite oneness and limitless freedom…
When we return to our physical vehicles in the morning, we arrive back in our lives, nourished and cleansed, without the inconvenience of infanthood and teens to go through! It is a daily rebirth and if it wasn’t quite so ordinary and reliable for most of us, we might recognise what a powerful opportunity it is to enjoy the reset!
That time just after awakening is such a potent time to choose what story line you choose to live. If you will reach for enjoyable thoughts, revel in your quiet time, breathe light, colour, grace or peace into your cells before attempting to find your place in your story, then you will set yourself off to such a good start. When times have been tough, reaching for simple and general appreciations will serve you best, like enjoying your breath, the warmth of the bed, the dawn light creeping in… If you feel good enough, then sit up and write in a journal of the aims of your day…I welcome…. I call in more…. I am ready for….
Then make the choice for more ease and pleasure as you step forwards into your day, shower yourself with gorgeous smells, be kind to your body as you dress, IGNORE parts of it that you have habitually judged, give yourself a break! With love, all body issues will return to balance. You can play yourself lovely music, listen to an inspirational talk…observing what your choices are feeling like in your system. Do your best to stay away from the News (The olds!) and don’t let yourself indulge in petty thoughts and conversations. Choice after choice will define the vibrational pathway that you will walk today. Each one having a signature pulse that we feel in our systems and inure ourselves to if we are not conscious of the choice and have long got in the habit of coping with.
It’s all too easy to keep our vibrations repeating and therefore our stories and experiences too and yet it is relatively easy too, to change where we are headed if we simply make a choice sooner rather than later. No-one but us chooses for us. It is ourselves that add the meaning to the insults and stressors that we attract. If we will choose that ‘time out’ that can reset us, then we can recalibrate to a more expansive vision and experience an entirely different timeline… It truly is all up to us.
Simply put, if it feels good, then your attitude, thoughts and choices will lead you into more good, if the thought feels contracted, then you need to come back to wellbeing before striding out again. No good can come from magnifying a negative state, only by bringing loving attention to ourselves can we course correct towards our pleasure and wellbeing…
Contact me for a programme of transformational healing if you’d like to have some support and personalised tools. I offer a free 1/2-hour consultation Skype/phone sessions if you have interest in working with me. I’m also starting several new coaching courses this year, both online and in person in Glastonbury… see details @www.SacredHeart.Space
On Facebook Personal Transformation with Lasare Maloney
Integration of the self
I am both man and woman
Angel and demon
Sun and moon
Light and darkness
Yin and yang
Earth, wind, fire and water
Are the constructs of my keeping
I carry within me a song as old as all creation
Which I hold in safe keeping
For a time of revelation
Whereupon I shall step fully into the arena
Unfolding my true colours
I will lay me down to die
So that others may live
So that humanity can grow beyond
Its self-made boundaries
Towards its destiny
Give me the powers of the king but for a day
So that I can show you the way
(….I have learnt to live, in the wild woods, far from the captive masses. This decision has created my own space, enabling me to live outside the cultural enclosure. Each day I swim in the clear crystal pool of the wood and turn gold from head to foot. There my wounds are healed by the earth father; there I am at one with my white shadow, who is my other self. I need no tools to do my work, nor heat to keep me warm. Here I am not lonely for all creation is at my side…..)
Sometimes we don’t know which way to turn. We have a decision to make, a project to start, a relationship or job to end. How do we know what is the right choice to make? One way to discern this is to imagine making one choice and see if you feel lighter inside or a sense of heaviness or dullness. If something is for your betterment, your inner guidance will respond with a good feeling, a sense of relief.
How does your world respond to your efforts? When doors open, you meet others that reflect positively your interest, you find information showing up, and you feel uplifted exploring it, then you are getting a big yes! That’s the basic feedback that I look for… If it feels like I am trying to push for something to happen, then I know that either the timing is off, or I am not really aligned with it.
A subject viewed from a bad mood will rarely lead you to experiences that you will look back on with pleasure. Sure you may learn something about yourself in the process. But choosing to raise your vibration to a higher level before looking for work, making that important phone call is one of the most fundamental and useful practices that you can embrace. The range of options open up exponentially when we are in a positive state and changing our mood is far more in our control than we sometimes admit.
Ask yourself what you most want, to prove your pity story, or to live the life of your dreams! If you are ready to move in the direction of more ease and pleasure, then check in, what action could you take right now that would feel good. It could simply be a bath, a walk, or putting on some uplifting music…As you begin to feel better, you now have access to a new range of options that you couldn’t have seen from your lower energy.
I liken it to a department store. Ground floor is neutral, fairly peaceful, not much going on, but drop in mood and you go down a floor, at this level there are old ideas and negative beliefs on offer, not very useful tools, grumpy assistants and it’s all rather grey. Go even lower still and the scene is worse, on sale now are stories of impossibility, hopeless views, apathetic compadres and you can’t find the exit! Victim Central! There’s only one way up from this floor and it’s by remembering it’s an illusion, a holodeck! Breathing into the awful feelings in the body will lessen their hold on you, music helps enormously too. Maybe it’s something angry, loud or mopey that will help you express. Facing what you actually feel and being with it with acceptance will soften its’ all suffocating hold on you. If all else fails, simply taking a nap can break the spell. Just remember, when you awaken feeling better it’s up to you to keep reaching for positive thoughts..
Once you feel some relief creeping in you are on your way up the elevator. Keep assessing your choices and reaching for the ones that feel lighter and you will find yourself in the department of hope, where a bright ever changing range of opportunities display in front of you. Higher still is the restaurant where you will meet others who have taken actions like you, the music is to your taste and reflects your happiness and conversations happen that open doors regularly to the higher realms above! How high you can go in a day is up to you, the first step is to recognise where you are.
When you notice something in a person that deeply activates you, triggering a negative emotional response, do not judge it, do not deny or abandon the feeling, move towards it, open your heart to that person, empathise with them, embrace the feeling.
The activating person is not the cause of the emotional response, they are but a mirror into your psyche … for what you see is a lost aspect of yourself, that wants to be invited back home to you, your greater self …
If you can recognise, welcome and even love this dark or shadow self, learning to accept it, then the healing can flow and growth can ensue.
This is regenerative shadow work – only in the shadow, will you find the missing parts of yourself that are essential for the journey ~ without integrating them, you will arrive at your destination, bereft of your wholeness.
If you are anything like me, when you first started hearing the phrase ‘you gotta love yourself’, you thought well how on earth do I do that? Obviously if we are hearing it, someone thinks we aren’t doing a good enough job of loving ourselves already! How do they know…what do self-loving people do differently and were they born like it, or do we all have to learn how to do it? I think many of us do need to…
I’ve been on a journey with those questions…probably like most of you reading this. I’ve learnt that to me self-love means being honest with my preferences, saying yes and no when that’s what I mean. I also feel self-love when I nurture myself well. Eating lovely food in an enjoyable environment, taking time to stop and celebrate the rolling hills and sunsets, expressing myself through my clothes and music and developing friendships that are mutually satisfying and enriching.
I take a look around my life in a 360 from time to time and look at all my reflections. What do my home/body/work/relationship life/health/friendships tell me about my self-awareness and self-love? It is really wonderful to be able to ‘own’ the reflections when they are pleasing, to trust that anything good in my life is there because I attracted it. I see my life as my art and I love to see it all as a glorious work in progress. It is hard going too when a glaring area of lack is suddenly brought into focus. Yet it is in those moments of contrast in our lives that we define our choices. We choose what we do want through the experience of what we don’t.
I’m learning not to fear the contrast, but to pick up my ‘brush’ and start creating the next details. Here is where I must love myself in whole new ways…there is so many aspects of us that want to join the party! As we become more true to ourselves, these aspects have a disconcerting habit of showing up unexpectedly and demanding entry and no amount of resistance is going to make them go away. In the end we must simply open the door to the lovefest and invite them in!
I start by facing the embarrassing new arrival, whom I may not be willing to sit down to tea with just yet and breathing into my feelings. Sometimes I pick up a pen and ask what it has to say and let it rant or weep…Other times I can sense the age of this part of myself that feels unworthy of love and this helps me to open my heart and invite little me back in. It’s really amazing how good this feels, to integrate a little part of me into my heart, very tangible and warming. Try it- you’ll like it! Imagine your mini-me climbing into your arms for a cuddle, wrap your arms around yourself and breathe deeply. Ask if there is anything he/she wants to say and answer back inside like you would to a sweet child. Because that is what you were and still are in parts. We only get to fully grow up when we take our inner child with us. Afterward doing this somehow you can sense that you are now more ‘solid’, which can certainly help when you meet other peoples’ inner kids!
I’m going to tell you my other favourite tip for self–love….Every time we allow love to flow through us we are loving ourselves too. As it pours into us and out from us, we get the blessing of its’ flow. Love is what we are and by being true to what we are, then every aspect of our lives are blessed. We express what we came here to do, which is have fun, explore, give our gifts, grow in capacity to exude our essence and anchor our light here on Earth. It sure feels good to simply be our own true self.